I’ve been like a kid at Christmas about this. I simply couldn’t wait to find out if baby Politano was a boy or girl. So, ultrasound day came. The tech showed me the screen, and before she said a word, I said, “it’s a boy, isn’t it?” (with a little disappointment, admittedly).
“I think so,” she said with a smile.
It was so obvious. I mean, I could even see the boy part right on the screen (even though it didn’t show up in the picture). No question. “Oh yeah, I’m 110% sure, this is a boy,” she says.
Ok so, we announce this news to our family, prepare the nursery for a boy, and I get talked into how great having a boy is. My wonderful friends tell me the joys of having little boys that melt mom’s heart. And in the midst of my initial disappointment, the wonderful Staci even helped me pick out the cutest boy things to fill my registry with. She was like God’s vessel for expanding my heart, softening it toward His will, and letting go of whatever ideals I had for my first child. (Honestly, I did need this, too. I’d lost sight of God’s sovereignty in these little details, so–thanks Staci for helping me with that) 🙂
I began to relax into the idea of being what my brother called a “boy mom.” I could do this.
And then comes the anatomy scan. “It’s a boy, right?” I ask.
She pinches her lips.
Big sigh. “If I had to guess, even with this uncooperative baby not showing much, I’d say girl.”
What??! Ok, my heart was pounding at this point. Was it possible? Baby boy Politano was actually a girl?? Oh, how I’d hoped to hear those words a month ago at the first scan. But no, I thought. Don’t get your hopes up either way. She’s not sure.
“I’m looking pretty closely, and I don’t see any boy parts. In fact, I think this right here is a girl part. But… baby won’t turn over enough for me to be sure.” She said she was 55% sure it was a girl.
Wow! Ok, so I let it drive me crazy for a while. A long while. Like… many hours (ok, longer than that). Finally, weeks later, I talk to the first ultrasound tech and say, “Your 110% sure analysis was well… doubted.” Ok, she says, I want to look again. She pulls up my baby on her screen, and immediately the brows are furrowed. I blink and study the screen. There is NO boy part. None whatsoever. And baby looks…. well, rather like a girl, from what the tech points out.
All I can think of is little boy chocolate kisses, hilarious giggles and everything I’d been looking forward to. I wasn’t going to get my little boy?? I couldn’t believe it. I looked at the nurse. “What happened? Did it just… fall off?” After concealed bouts of laughter, she shook her head, and explained different things I could have been seeing before. This time, baby cooperated. We could clearly see this was no boy. I walked out of there in shock, carrying this:
God had to remind me that He knew what was best for my little family, even if I had my own ideas. A lesson I should have already known, right? I mean, that’s so basic. But… sometimes in my excitement I can derail a little bit from where I should be. After all this, you know what? I’m excited for EITHER! God really taught me a few basic things… and then He gave me the original desire of my heart. 🙂